Bridezilla, Bridezilla!

What a term to give to someone! But you have to admit, the way the media makes weddings sound today, it’s easy to see how so many girls can turn into the pouting princess if they don’t get their way on their special day. After all, it doesn’t matter who you are or how much you paid the photographer to be there, there are still a million different things that could go wrong.

Don’t lose any sleep over this, girls. It’s all in good fun.

Your groom could sweep you off your feet and into the lake by accident.

Your flower girl or ring bearer could blatantly announce her/his need to use the restroom just as you begin to take your vow.

You could stub your toe on your way out of the church and curse very loudly in front of the priest.

A bubble could land in your eye and sting for the rest of the night.

A bird could try to nest in your hair, or worse, leave something liquid on your dress.

The limousine could experience a flat tire. In the middle of an intersection.

One of your bridesmaids (or groomsmen) could leave a fart cloud on the alter just before you and the groom get up there. (Hey, it’s an anxious situation!)

Your dad could start bawling uncontrollably as he walks you down the aisle. (Don’t get any ideas, Dad…)

The photographer could have such a flash that you are constantly dizzy from your eyes readjusting. You could run into a wall, if your groom isn’t paying attention.

Your groom could be so nervous that he doesn’t pay attention, and says his vows all mixed up.

He could kiss you and try to dip you, but then fall over on top of you because he doesn’t have good balance.

The ring bearer might accidentally drop the rings, or leave them in the car.

Your unity candle might light up your hair. The flames of love!

When you throw your bouquet, it might poke some girl’s eye out.

Your ‘sharing the cake’ might turn into a family food fight. Nothing worse than icing in your cleavage.

It could be raining so hard that the tornado siren sounds and you and your party has to flee to the church basement.

The limousine might not start when you get in.

The limousine driver might fart in the car while he’s driving you. And it’s raining.

Your groom could fart in the car, while it’s raining.

The limousine could run over a small animal on the way to your reception.

Your brother (or sister, or parent, or grandparent) could stand up for a toast and tell a really embarassing baby story about you.

Your slipper could decide to play Cinderella with you and stay behind, causing you to trip over your skirts while approaching the altar. (If you’re wearing a strapless gown, this could be dangerously problematic…)

Worst of all, you could have salad with spinach, and get a piece stuck on your tooth, and no one would be brave enough to tell you, so all your pictures could end up looking like you just came from the hillbilly show.

And now that I have listed all of these terrible instances, there is no way they could possibly happen at MY wedding, because I just jinxed them. HA!


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